Monday, December 22, 2008

Same old...same old...

Christmas around the corner. I can hardly wait. Its not dat i celebrate christmas but after christmas, new patch for secret online will be out and most of the bugs in the game will be fixed. Once everything's ok, im going to make some events for the players. And also, i dont have to give weapon n basic power scrolls to the newbies manually. Players are suppose to start the game with 1 weapon and 2 basic powers but the there's some bug, players start out with zero. Giving out basic powers n weapons to them manually is very tiring job. Some players ignored my help (later on beg)and keep doing bug quest which result everyone DC and got roll back.

Connection is shitty lately. Dunno wuts the problem with streamyx. My pc also shitty...this added more misery for me to do my work. Im planning to buy a new laptop. As usual, HP is my fev choice. Im gonna buy the most expensive one. So i can play the game and do graphic n recording on the same time without any probs. (that if my request for pc upgrade not approved by the management).

Secret Online is getting more and more players each and everyday. At the moment, FWO players and Wira Tunggal Legay Community players dominant the game population. There's more to come. Hope to see loads of players soon.


Wednesday, December 17, 2008

FWO flash back

Regarding this matter, i got a lot or request...or should i say tons of request asking me to make private server for FWO. Making a private server is easy but without the data from the management, everyone will have to start from the scratch with no items n lvl. This is unacceptable coz i know, u all sacrifice so much for the game and have to start all over again. At the moment, im doing my best the proceed with my plans for FWO. I got emails n phone calls blaming me for PSO closed down. This aint my call. Royalty issue is beyond my power. I cant refund coz its against the company's policy.

Under my cruel and dictatorship management, FWO back alive (after previous GM resigned in June) and a lots of gain support from players and ultimate hatred from those who exploits and using illegal items in the game. I dont care how much money of contributions they made for the game. If they brake the law, exploiting and abuse, i will not hesitate to break their chars. But they're not stupid...they managed to cover up their tracks. This is easy for me...if they managed to cover the evidence, i made one for them. At one point, thosei called friends, using the third programme in order to boost their damage. This is hard to trace. And make it harder when my own friends did this. And i put them away as well. Now friends or foe, i fucked em both for wut they did. My goal is to cast them away from the game...vanish them from the game. last time got this GC appointed by previous GM. He tele LI holder who's charging in a hidden place, to his own char and pk the poor fellow. In return, i erased all of his existing account listed in the system.

What i learned was we are the same. When a lots of players became of victim of exploiters, they ask for me to put their chars behind bars. But after i clean out all thos exploiters, the victim now do the same things. they learned n exploits the game. Sometimes i wonder whether its worth it to defend them on the first place but i got responsibility towards the game n players. So i just do it no matter wut.

After a lots of hardwork, the game concrurrent and sales rising every month from july till Nov. UnfortunatelyBut coz of royalty issue from the comic creator, all my hardwork become a waste. Before i became a GM for FWO, im also a players just like u all. Spend my money in it since 2004. I lost as much as u all as well. FWO closed down is out of my reach. FWO is the best game there is, there was and there will be. Secret online can never replace FWO from my heart...

...and i havent give up on FWO yet...with the will of god...who might see our beloved game rise again just like a phoenix rise from the ashes. Its hope dat got us this far.


Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Secret Online Official Launching

Secret Online have been officially launched on 13th and 14th december at Low Yat Plaza. I've taken a few photo on dat day but unfortunately, the photo havent been released yet. Soon i will update. Anyway...the launching is okay. Only dat the ceremony is competing with the PC fair event. So, not many ppl come but the ceremony still crowded with people. There's 3 cosplay model, 1 cosplay secret online wizard and 2 more chicks were playin crazy shooter online cosplay. Nice n sexy chicks...should've taken picture with them but I dont wanna waste my time with chicks who play cosplay but know nothing bout the game.

I just hangout in the Secret Online booth only. There's some games made by the MC but the cword is not very supportive dat evening. Probably bz enjoying the cso and xdo tournament. Oh well...other staff bz giving goodies and game client to the peoples. I just attend the first day. And the next day, i already got plans. So i didnt come.

Overall, the game still got many bug and havent been fixed yet. but i;ve been told dat the developer is going to send a big patch to fix all the bugs. Hope can be done soon so ppl will enjoy more playing the game


PC Bitch Lagg!! so fucking irritating!!

Im using a bloody fucking noob pc in my office. This bitch pc always make my mood gone and the only thing it gives me is a fucking unlimited piss off. I got lagg even in opening firefox, how da fucking hell am i gonna run the game smoothly???? Wutta fuck am i suppose to do in the office? surfing? babi sohai!! Ironicly, i see other staff pc doesnt have a problem a bit in running the games lol!!!!

Im not sure how am i suppose to do my work. Login the game, lagg and often DC. Login CSO, lagg and the only thing i can do is being a bitch to other players by lettin them to kill me. WTFucking hell. Patience run out....maybe up untill the point i smash my PC with hammer, then the management will take my request on upgrading my pc seriously.

Thursday, December 4, 2008


Upon the game, PSO/FWO being closed down early november, created a disastifaction and wrath among the players who spend alots of money for the game. I tried so hard and i've given all i got to ensure the safety of the game but i think i can only plan, god decided everything. As GM of the game, i represent CIB face, with my face. Players who's not satisfied easily point their fingers and blame me for it. I also got threaten message, being accused for cheating their money and not fair. Im just a GM. Wut power i could possibly have to influence the management to open back the game?

Wut dissapoint me the most is dat those players who i;ve helped before, also judge me so easy. Pointing finger without even thinking how many times i've helped them out. Including friends as well, they accused and bad mouthing me as if this whole thing was my fault. Its true wut ppl matter how many goodness u give to other ppl....once there's fucked up, ppl will accuse u condemned u not matter wuteva kindness u gave them before.


PSO and SO new forum created

Well...i forgot to mention here. There's a lot of pso players who refuse to join in the cibmall forum. yes they registered but they dont hangout there. I asked them why. they said the cibmall forum is not meet their expectations. Not very suitable for them. As far as i concern, PSO community been seperated from other CIB game community ages ago and they wanna keep it dat way. So they requested a new forum. Im happy to make one for them and the forum's already done. 2 days created, got 10 pages of user list registered and now, got more than 20 or 30 pages of user name list. thanks for the support. However, the management may not like this but as long as we can keep them playing the game, i dont think granted their request effect so much. so now the forum is better than before. all for PSO community. Thank u all


Monday, December 1, 2008

Secret Online, the mixture of WOW and PWO

emm...wut can i say bout this game? Secret Online is TianJi Online (chinese version) got its own uniqueness. Ok to be frank, Secret Online got differences compare to Tienji Online. The developer already made some changes in SO so dat the game will be a bit different than its predecessor(according to some players, there's a lot of difference).

Ok...the game is indeed, similar like world of warcraft (wow) and perfect world online (pwo). Wont be too much if i say dat the game is a rendition of this both game, and add a few elements dats not in both wow or pwo. But basicly, the game is like wow n pwo. There's 4 type of char, warrior, assassin, wizard and alchemist. I tried wizard and warriors and both are awesome. Weapons, equipment and item design are quite nice but World Of Kung Fu are nicer i think. Im still in the learning process of this game and so far i find it quite enjoyable.

There's a lot of flaws n bugs...well..its alpha test version. Wait till the close beta version launched...this game will be great. However...there's a lil bit dissapointed i felt for this game where the game copy wow including wow's weakness. The gameplay in lvling become slow coz ur char hit once, enemy hit once, then go over and over again. power animation n effects not as good as pso but still ok.

I think this game got potential. I havent review bout guild n war system yet. Hope they're as good as ppl said.


Thursday, November 27, 2008

Secret Online aka Tianji Online

As per schedule, Secret online or Tianji Online (in chinese version) is released but alpha version. I tried it n its pretty okay. Easy to control the char. Also there's alot of things in the game dat satisfy me. At the moment, there's alot of bug but the dev will soon sort it out. Yes its not as good as PSO but i hope all of my players will be happy playing the game. Im planning to give some insentive to pso players who play SO. hope everything will run according as planned.


Monday, November 24, 2008

Fungwan Online and World Of Kung Fu Online

Since i played PSO or Fungwan Online few years ago, i've fallen in love with a mmorpg type game. And since then,i no longer play my PS nor xbox. To me, mmorpg is the best game ever. Fungwan Online is a martial art game. That's why i love it. No magics gay gay n corwards soceries or wizards. The usage of magic as destructive powwer in a mmorpg is totally stupid. In actual war, wizard and mage just acting as a support only. The idea of magic as greatest force is sucks. Anyway after PSO server down, I found another martial art game. World Of Kung Fu Online.

The game is okay...there's alot of new shit they brought into the game. However, PSO gameplay still the best. But im craving for martial art game. So WOKF is better than nothing while waiting for PSO.

Lets talk about WOKF. If u are looking for a martial art game, u will be dissapointed. however, WOKF is not such a bad after all as a martial art mmorpg. It still got its own uniqueness. The armor n costume design is quite impressive although there's ridiculus costume like pirate costume, toxedo and lots of ancient victorian dressing style...hello...we are in the world of kungfu with all NPC char in chinese name and suddenly, we got fighters fight in old victorian dress? lol. Panda suit is quite amusing and ok to me. There's usage of magic in the game but not too much. Power base from chi or qigong still its main destructive force. Cool mob design and maps. Lots of great weapon n item design as well. I love the quest system where players can do quest auto. Guild also great. U can invite guild member into party no matter where they are even if not in the same map. We can also view all guild members level. chat system also good. Overall....everything's good but i just disspointed with the gameplay. Its hard to control the char using keyboard. Unlike PSO, WOKF power animation is poor. Melee style also sucks. Power also not as much as PSO. no chain poweer system and cant cross stance. In WOKF, players is more into forging to make their own weapons n eq. Since each stance got 15 powers only, the only thing differences in players build are the forged EQ. Power name also damn sucks n funny sometimes.

I can still categorize WOKF as a martial art game although i feel like this game is somekinda mixture of PSO and PWO. However, i hope other mmorpg type like granado espada, rapplez, perfect world and others will not claim themselves as martial art game since the only art in the game is casting n speel. For me, those games are sucks. Need more game like PSO. BTW, rappelz online is a Lord Of The Ring ripp off lol....never been suck than sucks

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


I was born as artist. hell i dun count and estimate. i draw, play n write. Dats wut iam. Now i remember back when i was in school. My teacher always said that true success only lies on the university. With certificates n degrees. If u failed to further your study, u;ll end up selling burger on the street. Dat made me so scared if i failed my SPM. However, few years after finished schooling, i've seen a kid selling burger in the street make more bucks than a teacher. Then i realize that my teacher was full of shit. So wut is it that make u successful? what? is it talents? is it knowledge??

Im a man with many talents. Ppl called me a multi -talent hero. Am i?? Art is strong in my family. But art blood is very strong in me. My father was a good singer, excellent guitarist and painter. Im explore art more. According to ppl, im an excellent illustrator, comic artist, singer...a good designer, script writing, song writing n song composing. However with so many talents i got....yet here iam. Still nobody. Just like a morning dew...shining but unseen...unnotice...away from ppl and once the sun rise, it'll be gone.

Then i realize that, its not about talents. Its all bout luck. No matter how good u are, if u got no luck. U'll end up shit. But if u got nothing....none..if u got luck....u just work out a little, than u got all the success u need. World is not fair? who gives a shit. We just do our best...and hope, our hardwork will be worth it. Not everyone's lucky. as for some, lose a lot. soemtimes i becomz afraid of success coz dunno wuts wrong, everytime when i achieve success, i will have to pay 10 times failure in the future. Am i really condemned? or i should've never been born. Maybe for some ppl, when they got born in this world, its written that they will be fucked up for the rest of their lives without knowing why whether being a good person or not. And im one of them. Life is so fragile...not everyman really lives.


Sunday, November 9, 2008

Longing for PSO

Since my beloved game down last 2 week, i've became addicted to it. Its so not right without PSO....i've been in it since 2004 till now. Other players share the same feelings. i've answered almost hundreds of players questions regarding when is PSO going to open back. I dunno wut to tell them. Not to mention their emails.

Pso is an old game but its gameplay is unbeatble. Now everyone miss pso to the max. i just hope dat the modification process will go underway ASAP. Hope the players will be patience untill victory is at hand.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Its all coming back to me (De Ja Vu)

I finished work at 10pm lastnite. Before i went home , i decided to hangout in the Black Canyon Coffe Restaurant downstairs at the ground floor. I ordered a hot americano, some light food and smoke ciggarette while lookin out at the highway. After stress working, i love to be alone sitting n relaxing. Suddenly there's a group of chinese chicks came n sit not far from my table. One of them look very familiar but i dun think she was who i think she was...suddenly its all coming back to me and this old story came flashing in my mind.

13 years ago , there was a trouble boy who just moved to a new school. Being in form 5, this is his last year schooling and after SPM, school will be left behind. Its Sekolah Menengah Raja Abdullah kepong dat time. This boy dun have much friend. He's always on his own isolated. But being isolated is good for some people.There was this beautiful girl name Tan Hui Kim. She's so kind and friendly. fate brought the two of them together. She was the first person who came n make friend with this boy. After quite sometimes being together, the question bout different race was never a problem. They get along just fine. They also help each other and being there for one and another.

The boy found himself in love with her. So...this boy plan to confess his feelings towards her girl. He bought some roses and love letter (dat time no emails..just letter lol) on the valanetine's day. ***muslim dont celebrate valentine's day but just taking advantage on dat day coz normally ppl kinda feel cloud 9 during valentine's day. I remember dat day....the day of the tragedy. After school, the boy intend to proceed with his plan. Once reaching the school gate, he saw his dream girl across the street. He called for her, telling dat he got something for her. And so the girl cross the street towards him. Dat was the time when she got hit by a car. The girl died on the way to the hospital. trapped with guilt, regreat and self-hate, the boy left from the school. He blame himself for what happened.

After dat tragedy, i never seen the boy again. He left.... Turn up for the spm, then he left. nobody ever seen him since then. Seeing your love one died right infront of u is something unbearable. I knew them both. both somehow...isolated from other ppl. They live in their own world. Since then i learned that compassion is a weakness and weakness is a diesease. Life is fragile and death is inevitable.

And so this girl i met in the restaurant remind me of her and dat boy. Coz we're in the same class. While drinkin my hot coffee and watching my ciggarette smoke fading in the air, the story keep on playin on my mind....


Tought of today

Hopefully everythings will be back to normal. No more shitty connection and system faulty. Im not used to letting the players waiting. Although sometimes i had to but i dun have a choice. To gain back players confidence, i need to work more but i cant do my work well if these kinda disturbance come fucking up everything. lets see how's today


Sexy Warriror of mmorpg?

If we see nowadays, mmorpg chick characters are mostly sexy to the max. I dont deny that the character design along with all the armor and equipment are really fantastic. But its funny to see a warrior lady go into battle with just covering their pussies and breasts. Why not just make the character naked? This is pathehicly bullshit. Going into war, i think it'll be more logic if a warriors cover their who body for protection. Its funny to see a female character go into war with 90% naked lol!. Actually making a female character sexy is to attract players to play the game. But i think players should open their mind as well. Come on man...we're playing dun need sexy...only good design and game play. If need to see half naked woman, better go watch porno or blue film....totaly 100% naked!!


shitty connection

We're having a system faulty this few days. Becoz of this problem, my capability to solve case become so limited. Office also shitty connection. Hope this'll be fix soon so i can get back on the track and do wut im suppose to do. PSO community also having problem registering the cibmall account. there's a lot need to be done


Should have listen to me....

Shit happens. I failed to achieve this month (october) sales target. I feel bad and feel kinda hopeless. After the gudang point hack incident, the sales for the game is slowly get back on it feet. The concurrent also slowly increase. Then this shit bout game royalty happened that lead PSO to be shut down on 1st November. Still got 2 week left by the time i got the news and still time to avoid pso from being closed. My suggestion is to keep the news from the players while we workout something to save the game. Unfortunately my suggestion was denied. Directed by the management, i had no choice than to announce the news. Once the news got out, PSO lost 80% of it sale. I dont blame the players. I mean, who want to invest money in a game dats gonna die at anytime? Not only dat, alot of players quit. I play this game 4 years and i know well bout this game the the players. I wish they should've listen to my idea on the first place. Now PSO profit like shit, concurrent as well. Although the game is not going to be closed, but to win back players confidence is not easy. Now becoz of this, i've failed to achieve the target and make me look stupid and hopeless in front of my sales manager. Wtf!?? I fucking wish they listen to me on the first place.


Previous Statement

Emm...refering to my previous not siding anyone. Whoever exploits, i will hunt down n punished. The point is that before we accusing someone with any accusation, we should look into the mirror and judge ourself first before judging other people. Its better to improve ourself than justifying other people. Its not the question of which clans but one self. Its not who u are underneath but what u do that defines u.


Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Where do i stand now?

Back when i was a player, there's always accusation to the smc/mxc/koh players dat they're exploiting....having illegal items and so on. So the image and bad impression rise among the players towards them. SMC/MXC/KOHer can be said, the clan that have most oversea players. Meanwhile SSC/SWC got the most local players. I'm SWCer. My IGN is PegawaiCegahMaksiat. Never tot that im gonna sit in the GM chair and rule PSO. At first, my target and goal is to get rid of players who exploits, GC who abuse power and those who's breaking the rules.

And so it began. As long as i know these people's exploiting or abuse power, i will force them into retirement. If they managed to cover their tracks, i will make one for them. To me, exploiters ruin the game, so i will do wuteva its necessary to put em away no matter the cost. Whether they have invested their money, less or large ammount, i dun gives a rat ass and put em away. Who oppose me shall perish. I retired gabrielleks, BadJai, TnT, DragonAngel, eldubz and many more.

Now since the game is free from exploiters, we should be thankful. But there's still. Exploiters are from those ppl who accuse other ppl exploits. I found dat the illegal items, exploits, using 3rd programme to boost damage and other fucked up things were done by SWC/SSCers as well.Its pretty shame that the local players are only know how to whining and complaints bout other ppl and yet, they're also the culprits. I will no longer give em a chance....those cretins will know...if i bring back those i put away, maybe they'll learn that trying to fuck with me will end up bad.


So many things happened

Im quite away, busy with work. There's so many things happened. This week, one of our pso/fwo players IGN azumie, died in a motorcycle accident. Al-fatihah to him and condolance to his family. This is the second death of our PSO community members. The first member, ign JJex, died from a cancer (so i heard), few years ago. Anyway, 1 day before he got into accident, he managed to told some of his PSO players to inform in the community that if he ever made mistake of offended other members, he asked for forgiveness. Life is so fragile and death is inevitable. I think we all should learn to forgive and forget. We dunno who will go next. Maybe u...maybe me.

Since i become a GM, there's a lot of hatred going on. In order to uphold the law, there's so many ppl i've punished...heavily punished. The heavy punishment is to make them scare from breaking the rules but they still do it caught and been cast away from the game, hatred rise. Maybe i've gone too far? or maybe its needed to preserve the game from any exploitation hell i dunno. Give them a second chance. To start over perhaps. All dat i know is dat im trying to get rid of all the hatred....i think i should make the first move and i think, others will follow. Insha Allah


Thursday, October 23, 2008

Qualifying Round Event

I continue the Clash Of The Titans qualifying round stage 2 lastnite from 9pm - 11pm. To choose 15 participant that will represent FK, i will need to test their skills, dmg and power. So i duel them 1 by 1. There's a lot of players that have talents and i think, can make it great during the main event. Some good tankers, some good killers and skillful to keep them alive. Some were average in tanking n dmg but skill make them managed to avoid gettin killed. the match ends, here are the qualified participant



Unfortunately, after the event over, im giving reward to those who joined the event (who duel me only) but the system got fucked up and i cant spawn items to them. Sigh. However, i will unlock some items later in the office so i can spawn ingame. Thanks to all who participate.


Sunday, October 19, 2008

Hari Raya open house

I just back from my mentor's hari raya open house. This is my first hari raya open house i ever went to. Not dat i dun have any invitation but i hardly show up in any ocassion. However, i think this is a best experience. I end up meeting a few of ol timer of pso. I think they're all cool. I met pose, MiHawk, Repo1, Tamahome, PuakaAis, Godang, MambangTanah and of course my mentor Angkasa who's hosting the open house. It was a rainy day and a lot of PSO players couldnt make it due to heavy rain and traffice jam. I came with dinee (Gratitude). Its was nice talk bout online games and the good old days back when i was not a GM, just a normal players who was still low level at dat time. They're far experienced and respected players. I do hope they will come back to the game and i believe if the game survive, they will come back. I went home at 12.00am. Wish them all the best and the game. Hopefully, there'll be alot of gathering between PSOrian.

p/s: hiyoo...forgot to take picture...demmit



OST Cinta - Perpisahan - Anuar Zain

Perpisahan Lyrics
Artist: Anuar Zain

Ku mengerti perpisahan ini
Bukan kerana kau membenci
Tapi kasih yang pernah ku beri
Tiada lagi bersama

Sering kala aku terlihatkan mu
Impian nan indah julang bahagia

Ku harungi hari demi hari
Bersama wajah tak mungkin akan kembali
Tapi hati masih tak terima
Ditinggalkan sengsara

Keraguan ini bukanlah padamu
Perasaan hati masih rindu
Kekalutan ini hanyalah untukku
Tercari-cari bayanganmu
Tak sanggup aku kehilangan
Masih tercari-cari
Keraguan ini bukanlah padamu
Masih tercari-cari bayanganmu
Tak sanggup aku kehilanganmu

Friday, October 17, 2008

It aint over till its over

I broke the news to the players yesterday. On. November 1st 2008, i will close down pso server. This is so sadden and unfortunate. It breaks my heart more when i have to announce it myself. Sigh... They were shocked to hear the news and they're still in shocked now. There's alot of great plans for the game but i think i dont have a chance to do it. All PSO community will move to TJO, TienJi Online aka Secret Online. This game will be released in Disember, the first ever english version. But I doubt if its as good as PSO. Im going to play for the test server next week. Hope i will not be dissapointed. But as for PSO, it aint over till its over. Me and the community can still fight for it. 1st November is still weeks away and players will start spamming CIB n PGS emails. Hope our voice will be hear far reaches Hong Kong to Mr Ma Wing Sing acknowledgement. Fight till the end....PSO lives on


Thursday, October 16, 2008

Calm before the storm

Everthing's calm now since im back from cuti raya...other than my personal matters, everything in game look okay. Unless some problems regarding the assassins team and some report bout officers abuse power ingame. Im still investigating bout this matter but overall. Its quite and calm. Too clam. Everythings going too well. But things not as i expect them to be. Its just a calm before the storm. The storm is coming and its closing as day pass by. Not much time left. November 1st will be a historical date for most of us. Storm is coming faster than i expected and im not sure whether we all ready for it or not. I dont have the guts to face it but at this moment, i got no other choice than to face it. things happen too fast.... What am i suppose to say? What am i suppose to do to stop it? will i be able to or not? im just a small potato and wut might could i have to stop such far, at this very hour, i call it clam before the storm.....and its heading our way...


Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Dreaming of 61

Dunno why im so attached with this number....its not mine actually but i love the number. i wanna grab n kiss u 61....the first night i sang for u i'll make love to u.... hope u still remember. and this big wave we're surf through, in and out the world is just not the same without u. Remember the day when we yahoo around and the feeling is so wonderful like a morning breeze my 61. now everythin fades....the more i try to grab n hold u...the more u drift away.....i couldntb are losing u but i have to face the fact dat the numbers isnt mine to have. Life without u is not the same. With u im complete. Without u, im just an unidentified numbers. Badly need u but dont think will have u the way i used to. 61 is the greatest thing dat happened in my life and also the worst misery i ever felt. 61 give life and take it back....took me off the dark to light and throw me back in for eternity. But im too addicted to 61. too damn addicted...

forever love


Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Quote of the day

everyday feel like putting a gun to my head n pull the trigger


As a human, our heart is so very fragile. Things dat we cherish the most, the we love the most will be the cause of our heartache and its true. Goosh i've been with 'her' for so many years and now its time to say goodbye. Wut i hate bout meeting is dat one day, we gotto depart. I wondering wuts my mistake? i've work so hard for this 'relationship' but all dat gone to waste. I feel dat my purpose in this world has gone and i dont have reason to sustain my existance in this 'world'. In the end of the day, i finally learned dat no matter how hard i work my ass off, no matter how many blood n guts i've given...its not always enuff n fate once again, mocking me. I dunno how and wut im going to tell the public. my heart is devastated. spirit has been broken. i feel like a naked child lying in the rain, cold and dark place feeling emptiness and nothingess. I have sight but i dunno where to go. I got legs but it leads me to nowhere. i got brain but my mind is somewhere else.

All dat i wanna do now is sit at my balcony at home, smoking some pots and playing guitar. Let all the neigbourhood hear my melancholic melody of sickness n patheticness echoing the night.


Sunday, October 12, 2008

A Tiring Week

This is a very tiring week. I moved house and now living in subang jaya. I just wanna put everything's behind. Let all my past buried there. But there's something bout the past that im afraid of, they always come back n hunt u down. As if no matter where i run, seems cant put my past behind. Anyway, new house still got no connection. This is sucks since streamyx promised to give me connection lastweek but they post pone it till monday which is today. As usual im back on duty. My back still hurts due to lifting too many heavy stuffs. Should have taken day off but i need to checkout the game n the players.


Saturday, October 4, 2008

A job at John Galt's Games

As everyone know, John Galts Games (formerly known as Phoenix Studio Games who make fungwan online) is looking for staff. Sitting at home boring..then i just open the company site and i found dat they're looking for staffs. There's one position dat im kinda crazily and lost my mind a bit when i saw the 'conceptual/texture artist'. OMG!!!! I've been dreaming for this position for a very long time but i dunno. Im kinda...divided. My heart strongly urge me to apply. Send them some of my works but how bout this game? who's gonna take over? Wut about the players who put their trusts n rely on me? What should i do? damn it im in kinda dilemma now. a fucking concept artist for mmorpg!!!! omg!!! I dunno whether my illustration skills match their requirement but i gotto try but wut about the game n the players? i love this game and i love my players. at this point...i dunno wut to think...


Holiday's up's almost up. On monday, i'll be back in the office doing wut im good at. The holiday is as if no holiday at all. Im still doing work although at home. Still monitor the game n players. Cant get away from all those stuff. Besides, i love doing wut im doing rite now. so many cases to look into next week. Some players still expect i reply the emails although they know, im on holiday lol. Well wut i can i a VIP now lolz. Famous n popular GM lolz!. Ok enough yapping. Continue work


Thursday, October 2, 2008

New PSO poster

I just finished made 1 new poster for pso, check it out

Technical pen, Adobe Photoshop & Illustrator

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Till we meet again

Rasanya sekejap ja Ramadhan berlalu. Terlalu pantas. Ako terlalu sibuk di pejabat...ako tak sempat nak menghayati keindahan ramadhan. Kenangan2 manis dan keindahan menyambut ramadhan bermula dari tahun lepas hinggalah ke zaman ke kanak2 ako...terlintas mcm ada satu screen dalam imaji ako. Bagi ako, Hari Raya takde makna. Ramadhanlah yg menceriakan kenangan ako. Skang dia dah pegi....setiap kalo dia pegi, ako tak pasti samada ako akan berjumpe lagi dengan dia atau pon tak. Semoga Allah panjangkan umur ako supaya tapi ako merasai nikmat ramadhan lagi. Ramadhan terlalu indah. Ramadhan memberikan satu perasaan yang takde tolok bandingnya lagi pada aku. Cuma masa terlalu cepat. Rasanya mcm baru ja semalam ako kanak2....sekarang dah besar panjang. Aku berharap utk menunggu ko lagi Ramadhan. YA Allah.... ketemukanlah aku dengan RamadhanMu lagi berserta dengan org2 yg aku kenali. Amin. Miss u Ramadhan...and this tears are for u.


Monday, September 29, 2008

Canceling The Hari Raya Leave

Im needed and there's a lot of players who need my help. Left me no choice than to cancel my Hari Raya leave. I can set well enjoying raya while my players having difficulties. im trying to do wuts best although my effort will not be appreciated in the end of the day. But dats how it goes...keep moving forward...


A Noob Who Failed

Before i went home, i login pso just to ease my mind but suddenly, got GB with some players who want to take my LI. I love being the attention. When face with GB situation, pots is the only way to stay alive but i dun understand why ppl mocking when other players use pot. They expect us to sit around and, hey come n hit me, i will give myself up just like dat. Lolz...this Meho and skyLighT so noob. And for their foolish mockery towards the god of pso, i take away their soul. When i ask them if they would dare face me 1 by 1, beat me in a fair duel, i will give the Li to them but instead, they cowering and depending on Gb only lolz. so noob ass


An email from the developer (PGS)

Im happy to received emails from Mr Kenneth from PGS. We meet earlier in a meeting early september. Cool guy and profesional as well. After the meeting i send him an email to express gratitude and thank for the game they created. I've been wanting to contact the developer long ago and finally i managed to.

----- Original Message -----

Sent: Thursday, September 18, 2008 6:31 PM

Subject: RE: A Big Appreciation

Dear Zhuan

I met a lot of people in the meeting with CiB so I wouldn’t admit I do remember all of your names or faces. I would guess you are the one who presented on the hacking case. It’s sad that such unfortunate event had happened to the game and looked to be destroying the game. Please do not belittle yourself. If you are not important and contributing to CiB, you will not be there. Thank you for your encouraging message. It made my day. I have forwarded your message to other key developers of FWO/PSO so that they know their years of efforts have been appreciated. However, I cannot guarantee that the game will run forever due to legal and contractual obligations. I do hope you and the hard-core fans could understand that.

Best regards



----- Original Message -----
Sent: Friday, September 19, 2008 2:31 PM
Subject: RE: A Big Appreciation

Dear Zhuan

We are glad to hear our product has managed to touch the lives of some people. I am sure that would give the team great confidence moving forward and we hope to make more kick-ass games in the future.




----- Original Message -----
Sent: Friday, September 19, 2008 11:36 AM
Subject: FWO

Dear Zhuan
I am Lee Mei, the head of Phoenix Games.
I read your email to Kenneth. I am very touched by what you wrote. I trully appreciate the FWO community's and your support of the game. I am lost of words to say to you. Just "thank you very much".
Lee Mei


----- Original Message -----
Sent: Friday, September 19, 2008 7:56 PM
Subject: Re: FWO

Dear Zhuan
I have to thank you to take the time writing to us. Your email make me feel that our blood, sweat and tears over the years of developing FWO is worth it! Its me who should thank the FWO community who supports us through thick and thin. I hope you don't mind that I took the liberty to forward your email to Ms Ronnie Ma (the sister of Mr Ma Wing Shing, author of Fung Wan). I want her to know that Mr Ma's comics not only bring his readers joy but also let the game players enjoy the world of Fung Wan. She will definitely let Mr Ma know this. I will bring this up to her again if I have a chance to meet her/and Mr Ma in Hong Kong next month.
Thank you once again. Also, I admire your guts in switching of career! :)
Lee Mei

Phoenix Games Station...from the bottom of my heart, i would like to express gratitude and wish PGS all the best. I represent PSO community will always support PGS.

p/s: perhaps to see PGS latest new game one day? ^_^

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Its a sunny day? oh god...

Its monday morning. I still not feeling well. Goosh...there's a tons of work in the office. Raya is just around the corner and there's alot of preparation to do. And i god damn sick. Nevertheless, i thank the Almighty Allah S.W.T. At least i still got enuff strength to walk and go to the office. There's alot of players who's ineed of my help. Im trying to be the best role model for them but im who iam. I dont want to pretend to be something im not. And who iam? Iam the bad ass trash talking S.O.B and mr loud mouth bastard.


Aidilfitri tanpa mu

Kali ni masuk la hari raya ke 2 tanpa arwah guru ako, Allahyarham YBhg. Dato Ustaz Abdul Rahim Abdul Razak yang telah pun kembali keRahmatullah pada 16 feb 2007. Ako mengambil kesempatan pada bulan yang mulia ni untuk mendoakan beliau berserta seisi keluarga beliau supaya sentiasa dirahmati Allah S.W.T. Amin. Aku masih ingat pesan ustaz sebelum dia 'pergi', masa tu harijadi dia pada 14hb feb kat kolam pancing SQ Global milik beliau. Insha Allah ako akan laksanakan semampu yang boleh. Heran...hari sebelum beliau pergi, kitorang lepak2 sambil borak2...ustaz panggil ako mak lampir sebab rambut panjang...kakakaka...tak sangka gelak2 malam tu adalah malah yg terakhir kami bersama. Beliau yang nampak sihat...relek ja..sentiasa rock...tau2 pergi mengejut pagi esuknya. Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat keatas Roh beliau.

dari kiri : Bro komek(bro angkat ako dari Sabah), Ustaz, Syawal & Alip
yang tgh duduk : syukur & aku


Missing My Yahoo Room

There's been almost 2 week i havent login to yahoo room nor paltalk. I miss my friends there. My health also not good plus too busy with work. So i didnt get the chance to hangout with them. I joined yahoo messenger since 1999. Start active in room around 2003. We have a community there where we spent out time singing in the voice chat. Singing n playing guitar mostly. Since i resigned as Luncai Emas Sdn Bhd recording artist, Yahoo and paltalk is the only place i got to keep singing. Other wedding ceremony? oh yeah im a wedding singer lolz. Also at a special function... Yahoo messenger as well as pso is part of my life now. Back then, yahoo room were divided into 2 categories, yahoo room (standart rooms) and user rooms (customize room where we can create our own room). There was a lot of sweet memories and the good old days will not be forgotten. Coz of there's too many booters, yahoo messenger disable the user room....sadly. Our community was broken and we scattered in the worldwide yahoo standart rooms. However, the name zhuan...or expecially 'lion' is very well known in a singing room in yahoo. If in paltalk singing room, the name galasura is also well known to those chatters. And by the way, i prefer login yahoo room using yahelite. yahelite is as same as yahoo messenger but more secured than yahoo messenger.

I once frustrated by the malay yahoo chatters attitude who loves to mock n boot people while singing. So i hangout in indonesia room and they welcome me greatly. I hangout with them almost 3 years till now and i got a lots of indonesian people....well...i learn how to speak indonesian as well heh heh. Now back to malaysian room. Currently my place is at Malaysia 1 room. Sometimes to prevent booters, our community create a yahoo conference. There we spent time singing n chattin. Thank you yahoo messenger. Our community lives on. If can, i would like to write all their names but its too many. Selamat Hari raya to all my yahoo messenger friends. I love you all.


PSO Update

Lately, im back ingame doing some simple event. I feel great workload is kinda distance me from the game and the players but now it almost over and i'll be back on track. Players are hunger....hunger for the fun event. Im going to proceed with exciting events starting next month. The players concurrent is getting increase. Im not sure whether the server can support or not. But this is a good oppurtunity to ask the management to upgrade the server.Concurrent rise means more profit. More profit means more development.

Next month is gonna be The License to Kill event and The Lord Of War 2008 tournament event. The management suggest we do this outdoor but im not fully confidence to do an outdoor event just yet. Time will come for dat. Im thinking of doing some event for the upcoming hari raya aidilfitri but i still havent got any ideas yet. We'll see how.


Saturday, September 27, 2008


Body weak....tempreature rising, coughing....sneezing....haizzz....looks like im gonna be sick again. Oh well...lucky tomorrow is off day. I can rest my restless body and take some medicine. According to my schedule, im suppose to continue my drawing and also design FWO t-shirt and few simple merchandise. Looks like i got no rest at all...


Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The missuse of talent n ability given by God

Salamz all

Its been 3 months plus since i took over as the FWO newest and hottest GM and product leader lol. There's up and down and too many shit happened but working hard is the thing that i never stop doing. Now i wanna talk bout hacker.

Now this kid...this local kid. I dunno wussup with him. His folks send him to learn some pretty cool shit and he use his knowledge and ability to ruin other people. i dun understand whether his mother drop him while he was a baby and he got mentally retarded or its kinda proud for him ruining other people? I heard this young whippersnapper went to the mosque for solat terawih and go home start hacking and selling hacked item which is "haram" in Islam, to other people. I dun understand how come he got the guts to do the ibadah and then do the sins afterwards? is mixing between sins n pahala is wut nowadays young ppl do?

If these people got problem with me and want to settle the issues like a man. I hardly find any difficulties in doing dat. 1 by a fair fight. What i dont undestand is, why trying to ruin other people? this game is a community and by ruining the profit of this game, will inflict major damage and without profit, how are we going to pay our developer their royalty and our company expense? CIB working hard with the staff to keep this game running. FWO game developer giving their sweat and tears of hardwork to create this awesome game. Players invest a lot of their monies for the game. For someone who have talent in hacking, should got more than enough brains to think this out. Why must other people got dragged along if the conflict is with me? just hack my personal stuff god damn it and leave other people expecially my players and the game alone.

Iam a GM and as a GM...i will do wuteva it takes to put out those who creating trouble ingame. That's one of my primary objective. Only people who break the law who will hate me. In upholding the law, i will not hesitate to punish no matter friends or not friends. I can be lenient as long as they stop doing all the bad shit they did. For now, Lucifer Dictator keep on moving forward.


A beautiful Design

This is beautiful. I love the design. This design is regarding the hold Ramadhan made by a muslim designer (not malaysian). Actually the calligraph dat make the design strong. There's a lot more design this guy have and they're all impreessive. I wish i can do the calligraph like dat but sadly, my specialty is more into figure illustration.


Human play god

"How is technology challenging the perception that death is a moment?

Nowadays, we have technology that's improved so that we can bring people back to life. In fact, there are drugs being developed right now - who knows if they'll ever make it to the market - that may actually slow down the process of brain-cell injury and death. Imagine you fast-forward to 10 years down the line; and you've given a patient, whose heart has just stopped, this amazing drug; and actually what it does is, it slows everything down so that the things that would've happened over an hour, now happen over two days. As medicine progresses, we will end up with lots and lots of ethical questions.

But what is happening to the individual at that time? What's really going on? Because there is a lack of blood flow, the cells go into a kind of a frenzy to keep themselves alive. And within about 5 min. or so they start to damage or change. After an hour or so the damage is so great that even if we restart the heart again and pump blood, the person can no longer be viable, because the cells have just been changed too much. And then the cells continue to change so that within a couple of days the body actually decomposes. So it's not a moment; it's a process that actually begins when the heart stops and culminates in the complete loss of the body, the decompositions of all the cells. However, ultimately what matters is, What's going on to a person's mind? What happens to the human mind and consciousness during death? Does that cease immediately as soon as the heart stops? Does it cease activity within the first 2 sec., the first 2 min.? Because we know that cells are continuously changing at that time. Does it stop after 10 min., after half an hour, after an hour? And at this point we don't know."


I dont understand wuts wrong with these people. Doctors are suppose to save life. Not bring the dead back to life. This is a play god. Humans are trying to deny the existence of god by doing the impossible. Humans forgot that they're servants. Humans try to deny the existence of god is because they're afraid of the judgement day.

Another Workload

I've finished with the game monthly profit since 2006-2008. I think dats it. But unfortunately, there's more to come. Im needed to come up with the total monthly profit of the game from 2003 to 2005. At the moment, i dont know where to dig the info. I already told my technician, victor, to check the info in the database bout found nothing. Haizzz....i wonder where the info is. Last time i heard, there's no gudang since 2003 to 2004/5. Last time people have to pay about RM40 or RM50 a month for the game. I think dats the calculation the management wants.

p/s: okay the picture is just for not an office freak with ties and im definetly, not a short hair faggot.


Monday, September 22, 2008

Too many workload

Today, i've finished all my report. I check em out, make sure there's no mistake and email them to my superior. Everything's going to be just fine. I was ready to login my GM id and help out player but suddenly, the management need me to finish the FWO monthly profit for 2005-2008. Goosh...i thought there wasnt any dateline on the first place. I've made an appointment with the players. I think spending time on office workload is not a very wise move. Players who's having problem need my assistant. Solving players problem is also important. What's the use of a GM/produt leader spending too much time doing a never ending planning, report here and there while the players are in difficulties. According to my original schedule, firstly when i come the the office, i will sort out;

1 - emails
2 - forum
3 - office workload.
4 - login GM's YM ID.

Office workload is also important. I hope after finishing all the month profit, i be able to sit down and get in touch with the players.


Saturday, September 20, 2008

Munafiq Di Bulan Ramadhan

Korang penah dengar tak pasal munafiq dibulan ramadhan? durang ni rajin kuar time bulan2 pose ja. Contohnye. Bila bulan puasa, ramai la hantar kata2 hikmah yang suruh beribadah lebih la bulan puasa ni. Suruh itu la ini la semuanya baik2 belaka la. Bila ditanya, kenapa bulan2 lain tak lak hantar peringatan sume ni? Durang cakap bulan ramadhan bulan yang mulia, jadi kena beramal lebih sebab Allah akan kasi kita pahala yang berlipat kali ganda. Ohooo patut la...ako dah paham dah....kita kena beramal sebab nak dapatkan pahala yang lebih. Jadi kita beramal sebab nak pahala. Bukan sebab Allah S.W.T. Allah janjikan kita pahala kalo kita sembah Nya. Ader ke Allah suruh kita sembah Dia kerana pahlaNya? Bila ako tanya ni kat durang, sume senyap. Bulan lain Allah tak kasi pahala berlipat ganda, so kita beramal pon sederhana la camtu yea? Kalo betul nak ingat mengingatkan, jgn kita ramadhan je kan...bulan lain sume sekali lolz. Takkan kita beribadah sebab pahala berlipat ganda.

Sebenarnya, pahala berlipat ganda tu mmg Allah sediakan utk hambaNya yg dtg sembah Dia kerana Dia adalah Tuhan. Yang beramal tak kita bulan pose ke tidak ke....tetap beramal tanpa pikirkan, pahala dapat ke tak dapat ke, aku nak sembah Allah. Pahala takde pon takpe janji ako nak sembah Allah. Orang2 yang mcm tu yg dapat. Bukannya ooo...pahala berlipat ganda....jum kita solat!!...lolz....


Sunday is off day heh heh heh

Well...still some of the players message me at my personal id and ask me to deal with their problem. I cant believe some of them were actually ask me to work 7 days a week at 24 hours. So i dont have to sleep, rest and go other things. Im starting to delete some of them from my list. No point keeping people who ignore to respect my privacy.

Today my plan is to do some sketches and drawings. Once done. Im going to do a new songs....writing lyrics as usual. The Edifulfitri is getting close which is sad coz to me, the ramadhan is all that matters than raya. But for most young muslim people nowadays, i see they already anxious bout the raya event on the first of ramadhan. All they care about is raya. No wonder they never care much bout fasting. Only veterans muslims care bout the ramadhan. Why we see some people cry on the first syawal? its not becoz of raya but its becoz of ramadhan is leaving us. There's nothing left in raya afterwards. Syawal means nothing to me...and im gonna cry for you ramadhan. Coz i dunno whether i be able to see u again or not. And u are teaching me to be good for the rest of the month and im trying my best.


Remember where we came from

Few days ago, my mom fell in her house while sweeping the leafes in the garage. She's having a hardtime to walk now. I rushed back home to help send her to the nearby clinic but i think, she need to be massage properly. Suddenly, i realized that my mon's gettin old. Iam getting old as well. Now im not a do-goody type of son but im just doing wuts right and responsibility as son. How 1 mother can take care of so many children where they're young but after all grow up, they can event take care of 1 mother. We're gettin old and so does our mother. Their time is not long in this world and we shouldnt forget where we came from. One day, our parents will be gone and we'll take their place. Will we be able to see them again once we gone and move to the otherside or life? Once life's end, we'll begin a new life with a new journey. So no matter how rock and rool we are, or how bad ass, we should learn to value things dat doesnt last.


Friday, September 19, 2008

Another mathematical day

Today activity not much. Same as usual. Im doing as fast as i can to finish the PSO profit summary from 2006-2008. Cant make mistake in doing the calculation. Concentration is needed. So far i've finished the whole 2006 calculation. I dont want to let michael (CIB sales manager) down. He, Justin and Bryan has been helping me much expecially Justin is a very good friend. Also victor, the technician guy help with the server and blocked the gudang hack url. Anyway. Doing the calculation is taking a lot of my time. So i dont have the chance to get onlin at my yahoo messenger main id to assist players help but i hope they can wait their turn.


Thursday, September 18, 2008

Gratitude to all

Its been more than 3 months now since i took over as the new GM. Cruel, evil and bad ass. I just want to say thank you for everyone who supported me expecially my mentor ang....also acap, dinee, peter, assassins team, lords and others. There's ppl who support and there some who hate me. All the banning, punishement....suspended or deleted...i wish i dont have to do dat but i did wut i have to do. cheers


As a GM and Designer for PSO.

The management is somehow, happy and love my designing talent (been a graphic designer since 1999, with such experience, its gonna be pathetic if they're gonna hate my work, and give me full permission to do the design for pso and marketing strategy. So i use all my experience/expertise working in advertising company to create an great design for the game.

Pso is going out in PC Gamer Magazine (a famous local game magazine). And the best part is, they will let me do the design and article as well. This is also another great oppurtunity to polish my talent. As a song writer, i dun have problem writing something beautiful but i never tried that talent into copywriting. Well, if i can write a storyline back when i was a comic illustrator, should be much problem is doing the copywriting (i hope :P). PSO get 1 page in PC Gamers. I already got an idea of wut topic i wanna write. Hope my piece will be nice.


Another Tiring Day

Nothing much today... Just continue doing the PSO profit summary from 2006-2008. Damn. But our developer need to seem them. So no matter how hard it is, i just do it. The developer is back. The negotiation was successful. All that we need to do is giving them what they want. PGS deserve what they demand. So we just giving back what's theirs. The profit summary also will include with the proposal i made and will be sent to the developer once its done.

Im gonna be so damn busy this month. Well the other month i also god damn busy but for this month, im so god damn mega super busy. This is a big oppurtunity for me to succeed what the previous GM has work hard to achieve. Considered, i continue their efforts. There's so many obstacle since i became the new GM but although with lack of knowledge and everything, i somehow prevail in bringing this game back up. However, that's is not my goal. My goal is to bring back the glory of this game above the rest. To make this game glorious and to bring the players a better world of FWO. The have supported the game since the old ages and they deserve to have more of just 1.3 version. No matter how many people try to ruin my hard work, i sware i will gain advance and keep on moving forward. i work this hard so far and i refuse to throw the towel in.

As everyone know, the 2.0 version is the future of the game. All our hope and dreams lies in the proposal i made. Im also planning to change to website design into more up to date and effective design to attract new and old player to play the game. With the players wishing me luck, i will try hard not to let them down.


Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Its not because of hate

i got an unexpected call from the love of my life.... I wish she never called me. I wish i dun have to listen to her voice ever again. But thing's not work out as i expected.

The moment i hear her voice, its like my heart is going to heart pounding hard and fast and im speechless. All that im wanna do at the moment is grab her and hold her tight, telling her how much i miss her. Buts its all in my head....i quickly end the conversation. Dont want her to know how i feel inside. Its not becoz i hate her. But its becoz i love her. I love her so damn much it hurts. Im crazily in love with her. The more i try to forget bout her, the more her smile n laughter playing in my head. Oh god please give me strength to carry on with wut left in me. Im losing my mind and im losing myself. I work twice hard to keep myself busy so that i can forget but the feelings keep attach more and more.

im drifting away and sinking....


Tuesday, September 16, 2008

FWO new Promotional Poster

GM Poster

Players Poster


I do need some time for myself

To all FWO players,

Some players do have my personal yahoo id and msn id. Usually, i will on my personal id's whenever i got tons of workload in the office or off day at home. Its important for those who's having my personal id to know that there's a reason why i online using my personal id. I hope players i add in my personal ID will stop pm me for help or anything regarding the game except if its for fun discussion. Some players look for me at my personal id and ask for help even in sunday and when im off duty. This is kinda invading my privacy. Unless if the case really2 important such as server hacking or gudang hacking or the end of the world in pso. if not, please take me as a normal chatter in ur yahoo list Rolling Eyes

There's a player focing me to go to the office while im resting at home on sunday. He expect me to drive 1 hour to my office, pay my own gas, pay the tols which almost RM10 and another 1 hour drive home lolz. such a waste of time n money. Im not working 7 days a week and not 24 hours a day. Terminator and robocop processor also can fried up working 24hours a day n 7 days a week, not to mention normal human lolz. Its important for me to have enuff rest (which im hard get) in order to do my job. A sick GM is as good as dead.


Staring at your window with the suitcase in my hand

Some people say that love is like a beautiful flower. Pretty but dont last. Well...its ok cuz in this world we live in, nothing's last. Some people give everything in the name of love....some people love untill their last breath. Can there be a faithful heart? Maybe.....maybe 1 in 10. Nice average but its a laughing stock for those who choose to believe otherwise. But i look inside and see, there's heart that has been given and cannot be taken back. Souls is not ours to give. When we defy the rules, we're vulnerable to risk. Its a gambling whether u lose or win, u just place your bet and roll the dice. Failure is fatal. Souls and heart are not something to be given freely as we like. But that's just life. We just do our best although not all of us born with a lucky charm. Once in love, will be forever in love and its an eternal damnation. In the end, the only road left is to follow a lone pathway. Love is not built for everyone. Some of us realize that and accept the fate. Living as a loner is not such a bad at all. Look at the bright side. At least the only thing u need to worry is the old wound that's still bleeding inside with fresh blood pouring each day. In the end of the day, just light your ciggarette, open your pso client, login your access, hangout in fishing village rooftop while playing guitar. Who knows, might catch some skullies with LI.